


Against the Storm

by fireolin



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Pre-Relationship (Just)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 22:56:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6630424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireolin/pseuds/fireolin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a long separation, Killua isn't ready to see the change in Gon.</p><p>Rated T for some swearing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Against the Storm

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nessa47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nessa47/gifts).



> For the gorgeous Nessa47, because HUGS. <333
> 
> Thanks to Arivael for beta reading.
> 
> And thank you so much to everyone who takes the time to read this. I hope you enjoy it!

There was an irony, Killua thought, in being trained to stay motionless for hours to survive, then using that skill for something like this. He’d lost track of how long he’d sat in the storm, hunched on the hotel balcony dangling his legs twelve storeys over the street. His long-sleeved tee and short sweatpants were soaked, and he couldn’t stop shivering as the wind shrilled and rain continued to pelt him. He glared down between his feet at the slow-moving river of traffic below, hugging himself and wrapping his fingers into his sleeves.

The city glittered through the rain, shining silver when lighting flashed, thousands of office windows staring back at him like blank white eyes. Dark clouds sailed wraithlike between the towers and his stomach rolled. He felt like he was the one moving, not the clouds. Probably because he was starving, but the thought of eating a candy from the mini-bar made the street sway worse. Rain dripped continuously from his nose and chin. He had to not cry, because it wasn’t as though Gon could _do_ anything. He forced his eyes wide against the storm.

The world was still there.

Through the gaps between the towers and down the canyons of the streets, _everything_ was still there. Everything was still the same.

Except Gon.

He sucked the water from his lips. He should’ve expected it, he just hadn’t thought about it. He still had Gon’s face from when they were both sixteen stuck in his head and it wasn’t as though Gon still looked the child he’d been when they first parted.

But _then_ , neither had Gon…

 _Fuck._ It had been another three years since then. He crunched into himself, forcing out a breath. Neither had Gon…

…grown into…

_Him._

Choppy through the wind, horns blared and metal smacked.

Two nights since he’d first seen Gon’s face again, and he’d spent the whole time since avoiding looking directly at him. It’d been _years_ since he’d had the nightmares, and now…he had to hide it till the end of this job, while Gon was sharing the same fucking room.

He dragged in a sniff. He’d been looking forward to this, five whole days with his best friend. He wished they’d ignored security, that he could’ve gotten used to the change gradually, that they’d shared pictures and video, not just text while they were both caught up with their own lives. He wished it hadn’t been so long.

Lightning flashed, blinding, with a sizzling sound and a deafening _crack!_ His heart pounded. _That_ had been too close. He shivered, and not just with cold. The front of the skyscraper opposite had become a plane of inky glass with no lights. Maybe he should—

“Killua…?”

 _Oh, shit._ The storm had almost drowned Gon’s voice and the electricity in the air had definitely concealed any sense of his arrival.

“Gon.”

Dammit, his nose was stuffed up, so it came out, ‘God’.

He dragged his wet sleeve beneath his nose and stared fiercely through his dripping bangs and the rain at the traffic down below. He _couldn’t_ turn around, he’d see Gon, and _Gon_ would see the mess he’d become.

He just—needed one more minute.

“Killua?” Gon’s voice was low and worried as he leaned beside Killua, propping himself on his forearms. “Why are you…?

It was tempting to drop down to the street so he wouldn’t have to explain, but _then_ , he’d have to explain that. “Just…I like lightding, you dnow.”

_Shit, Gon. Why’d you have to come back early?_

All right, it was getting dark, so it wasn’t that early. But still.

The rain was gluing Gon’s navy top indecently to his body, revealing the contours of his arm and shoulder. Impossibly in the storm, Killua seemed to sense Gon’s heat.

He’d grown as tall as Killua. Not yet as muscular or powerful as he’d been that night, but the way his face had changed had always been inevitable. Killua _should_ be able to handle it. In frustration, he let his Nen flicker around his fingers, steaming his sleeves.

“So do I,” Gon said. “Like lightning, I mean.”

Killua resisted the urge to toss his hair away from his eyes. Gon would think his face was wet with rain. Only rain. And it was only exhaust fumes prickling the back of his throat.

“Uh, Killua…”

“Gon.” It still sounded like ‘God’.

“Have you got a cold? You shouldn’t be out here if you’ve got a cold.”

“Yeah, I guess. Ndo. It’s dot godda get worse if I stay out in the raid.”

“But, Killuaaa—“

_“God.” Gon. Fuck. “Shut up!”_

Dammit. He hugged himself hard. He hadn’t meant to speak to Gon that way. But the storm was the only place to hide in plain sight.

“Killua, can I…?”

“What?”

“Just…” Gon draped his arm across Killua’s back and hesitantly began patting his shoulder.

Killua _wouldn’t_ sob; he gritted his teeth and only let out a disapproving _tch_.

At least, like this, he could still avoid Gon’s face.

It helped. Gon’s actual warmth, not just some phantom-thing in his imagination. He sighed reluctantly and half-slouched into Gon’s side. In the next wet gust, he wriggled a little closer. If they could stay out here, it’d be fine. Rain slid down his cheeks. Not tears.

“Killua, come inside.”

“I—I like the raid.” And Gon’s arm around him felt nice.

“But you’re shaking and your lips are blue.”

In fact, Gon’s half-hug (the kind friends could give each other safely, Killua thought) felt so warm and inviting, it made him want to wriggle closer again, but he didn’t. It wasn’t like they were kids anymore. Yet his entire body was freezing, except where he pressed into Gon’s side. His feet were numb, and he _had_ been going to come in before Gon found him like this.

So he straightened and Gon’s arm fell away as he stepped back to give Killua room. Killua tried to ignore his pang of disappointment and swung his feet back in over the rail. He kept his eyes lowered behind his bangs. Gon had rolled his sweatpants up and his feet were bare in the murky ocean of their balcony.

“I’m godda take a shower.” He leaned forward, but Gon caught his shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Killua? You’re upset.”

“I’m fide.”

“Did you eat anything?”

When he shrugged, Gon added, “You haven’t opened the mini-bar, not yesterday either. Or looked in the cupboards.”

Why, how, was Gon even noticing stuff like that? He forced a crooked smile. “I had enough yesterday.”

Yesterday, he’d found excuses to say he’d eat on the run, to avoid facing Gon over a meal. Now, forgetting himself, he glanced up for a fraction of a second as far as Gon’s mouth.

Which twisted.

“I can see you’re upset, Killua. Is it something I’ve done?”

“Dnothing.”

Conversation over.

He slid down into the water. Behind Gon, the hotel room was dark, either Gon hadn’t turned the lights on or the storm had fused them. Dammit, his feet weren’t working—he stumbled and splashed and Gon didn’t move, and he had to flatten his hands onto Gon’s chest to not collide.

— _Oh shit,_ through some instinct, some cursed weakness—he was pressing his eyes and runny nose into Gon’s shoulder, stomach tightening with embarrassment.

Gon pulled him in, holding him and cradling the back of his head. Killua’s eyes burned and his face grew hot.

“God,” he snuffled, _stupid fucking blocked nose_ , “I don’t wad this.”

“Mm…” Gon’s fingers pushed in soothing motions between his shoulder blades. “How long since you last slept?”

A muffled snort. “Last dnight, ‘course.”

“But you were tossing—“

“ _You_ were awake, thed.”

A shrug nudged his brow. “Killua, _you_ called out.”

His hands twisted into Gon’s t-shirt.

“Come inside,” Gon murmured near his ear.

Being held like this wasn’t what Killua had expected, but now, though he could never _ask_ for this, he badly wanted—no, _needed_ —Gon to keep cuddling him. If they moved inside, it would end. He rubbed his eyes into Gon’s shoulder. Stupid that he needed _Gon_ to comfort him when he couldn’t even _look_ at Gon.

Gon just stepped slowly backward without letting go, steadying them both as Killua’s frozen feet tripped over the ledge onto sodden carpet. Killua brokenly choked on a laugh.

“Better,” Gon said.

As they left the rain behind, he felt stuck to Gon like some kind of injured wild creature. With his eyes buried like this and the wind, the rattles and howls, he could imagine they were journeying through a dark forest together. The heat from Gon’s chest melted into his like the warmth from a campfire. And Killua was just sick, tired and hungry. That’s what this was. That’s what he’d tell Gon later.

Gon continued until he was stopped by the end of the bed closest to the balcony. Gon’s bed, still unmade, because Killua had hung out the _‘Do Not Disturb’_ sign just before he went outside. Gon would let go of him now.

He waited.

Gon kept holding him, combing his fingers gently through Killua’s tangled wet hair, every tug followed by an apologetic rub. He must seem like a half-drowned fox-bear—did Gon get even better with wild things while he was away? Killua thought he must have. His breath gathered hot and damp in the small hollow between his mouth and Gon’s collarbone. He was still shaking, even with Gon’s arm around him, and his feet stung. But this was fine.

“Killua, you’ve been having nightmares,” Gon said quietly. “When you’re having them, you call for me. Then you wake up.”

Killua’s stomach went cold and his fingers uncurled from Gon’s shirt. Gon’s grip around him loosened a little—and _no_ , Killua didn’t want to push him away. He held himself still.

“When you first arrived, Killua, and I opened the door, you flinched. You can hardly look at my face, let alone meet my eyes. There’s…there’s something.”

“It’s just me—"

“Not if—not if the sight of me is—"

_“—ndo—"_

“—giving you nightmares. Is it because I—I look like I did back then?”

Killua screwed his eyes shut.

Gon’s jaw shifted, taut against Killua’s temple. “Do you want me to go? I—I can get someone else to fill in for this job.” He paused, and then released a determined sigh. “It’s okay, Killua. You can tell me.”

_“I can’t.”_

He couldn’t tell him. But he slipped his arms up around Gon’s neck. Gon’s chest rose and fell against his, as though he was deciding something.

“Killua,” he said, “you’re frozen. Your arms are like ice. Come into the bed, we’ll be more comfortable and you’ll warm up. Um…maybe we should take our clothes off, they’re so wet.”

If he could look at Gon, he’d flick him on the forehead right now, and hard. “We are dot taking our clothes off,” he said into Gon’s wet shirt.

“I don’t want you to get hypothermia—Killua, it’s totally innocent!”

“I know.” He scowled into Gon’s shoulder. If this was just about hypothermia, Gon would’ve let him have that shower. But Gon wanted to comfort him, and he didn’t want to let go of Gon. And this might never happen again, especially at their age, so he should take full advantage. But he’d be more comfortable if their clothes stayed on. “Just humour me, okay?”

“But _Killua!_ We never used to worry… _hmph_.” Gon’s shoulders slumped a little as he gave in. He tugged Killua down onto the bed, and Killua let him maneuver him around to face the kitchenette.

“Hang od…” Killua reached and grabbed a couple of tissues from the box on the bedside table, blew his nose and chucked them onto the floor. As he wriggled down with his back against Gon and his cheek into the pillowcase, he caught Gon’s faint leftover scent on the cotton, and his eyes shut, and he was with Gon surrounded by long coastal grasses and fresh sea wind. Gon snuggled against him, arms slipping around his chest, legs tucking under his, breath arriving warm at the back of Killua’s neck. The cover rustled against his ear as Gon cast it over them, and Killua found himself in a warm, damp cocoon, which felt good even if his clothes were still chafing. And he could hug Gon’s arms, which fit round him just right, solid and strong.

Two nights of exhaustion crashed down on him like one of Bisky’s rocks.

And his eyes closed, his breath evened as Gon’s heat sank into his back. Being wrapped in Gon was as comforting as chocolate, and he wanted it far more. Gon’s heart beat against Killua’s spine—

_…carrying Gon over his shoulder, the weak flutter all that told him Gon was still alive…_

He shuddered.

Gon’s knee slid over his and a cold foot eased down his shin, caressing into his ankle and soothing the top of his foot.

He’d missed him so badly.

His breathing deepened.

So cozy, with the wind and spray from the storm gusting around the room.

He drifted…

Like running into a sharp rock in a dark sea—

His eyes flicked open. “Gon.”

“Mmhmm?”

“Did you turn me around so I don’t have to look at you?”

Rain splashed on the balcony.

“…Yeah.”

Gon’s breath was unsteady at the nape of his neck.

Killua squeezed his eyes tight. “Seriously, I’m fine.”

“You’re not, though.”

“Gon—give it up. Look, everything’s in the past, okay? And it all worked out; and I know you’re not gonna do that to yourself again. We went through this back then. And now, we’re both older, and—honestly, I’m _fine_. It’s just, when I saw…”

 _Dammit._ His eyes were hot again. He turned his face into the pillow.

“Killua…”

 _Shit._ He couldn’t. And yet—

“Gon, when I see your face, I…I’m _feeling everything_ again.”

He curled into a ball, nails digging into Gon’s arms.

Which tightened around him fiercely.

“Killua,” Gon whispered, “I couldn’t see how I looked that night. I just remember how _you_ looked. When you found me…I can never forget.”

“Yeah.” Killua dragged in a sniffle. “Well. You’re not quite the same. It’s just your face…”

“I’m sorry…”

“I know,” Killua breathed. “I know.”

Gon’s forehead pressed into the back of his neck. He was sure he could feel Gon’s brow all scrunched up. The confession had left a sour taste in his throat and his chest ached hollowly. And though Gon held him, after a minute, Gon’s arms loosened. Killua felt an almost imperceptible sigh against his back.

Gon was going to leave. He mightn’t even say anything. He might just do it.

Killua’s clothes chafed, resisting as he turned over, and his elbow collided with Gon’s ribs. He dipped his head; it was dark beneath the covers as he hooked Gon’s leg up over his and tugged him in. He found Gon’s waist and eased his hand around Gon’s back; through his damp t-shirt, his muscles felt good, and he ignored the extra warmth that gave him inside; with his other palm resting on Gon’s chest, he could feel Gon’s heart beating as furiously as the wind and rain.

His stomach twisted, but he lifted his head on the pillow and looked up through the wet strings of his hair.

Shadows flickered along Gon’s cheek in the changing light from the storm, and at his temple where his hair swept back in thick wet chunks. Killua could feel Gon’s fingers tighten on his back as he realised Killua was looking. Killua swallowed as he took him in, letting the warmth of the bed and the damp scratch of the pillow on his cheek ground him. He ran his gaze along Gon’s jaw, now stronger and more defined, and followed the planes of his skin, which still glistened with rain. The slope of his nose was now as serious as his determination had always been. He was beautiful, as beautiful as he’d been that night, though that beauty was the most unbearable thing Killua had ever witnessed. But the hollow feeling in Killua’s chest began to fill with something else as he kept looking.

Gon had _lived_ in this face. Of course he had. There were two small moles above his mouth; faint freckles on his cheekbones. Some kind of scar, two rows of pale silvery dots, ran down the side of his neck. He was sucking his lower lip in anxiously, and his dark eyes glimmered as they lifted to meet Killua’s.

“I wish I could…” Gon’s tone was rough-edged. “I wish I could change.”

“No. You’re meant to be like this now. So, it’s different.”

“But if I’m gone at the end of this job, will your nightmares stop?”

Killua still felt queasy, but it was growing more bearable. He swallowed hard.

“Um…Gon. Don’t go.”

“But Killua, my face.”

“You’re not the same.”

“But I thought you said—"

“Forget that. The nightmares. It’s not as though I can’t handle a few bad dreams.” By sitting for hours in a storm. “But they’ll go if…” He bit his lip lightly; he hadn’t been going to ask. But with Gon so close, he knew. “They’ll go if you stay. If you hold onto me.”

“Killuaa…” The intensity in Gon’s eyes stole Killua’s breath. And there was a familiar stubbornness he’d seen there for other things. This time it was there for him. A smile tugged his lips. Shadows lingered beneath Gon’s brow and dark lashes, but his irises shone, chestnut brown filled with amber and golden rays. Killua had no idea who’d edged closer on the pillow. Maybe both of them. _Strawberries…_ Gon had been eating strawberries. He could taste them on Gon’s breath. And he wanted to touch him, to close the whisper of space between their mouths. Then, Gon’s fingers gently traced his jaw.

His heart raced. He ducked his head down into Gon’s chest.

And Gon was so warm after the cold rain. Killua snuggled into his arms and hugged him. Somehow, Gon had known he needed this, or maybe they’d both needed to hold each other. There was something new between them, he could feel it; and maybe he wasn’t quite ready, or maybe part of him was scared, but he wanted it. He thought he’d fight Gon or even himself if he had to, before just letting him slip away again.

Wind gusted across the bedcover and Gon tugged him closer. Killua nestled in to let Gon melt him bone-deep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
